There are two types of women in the world: women who are totally comfortable with masturbation and those who are ashamed of the act. I realize there are more than two types of women in the world, so forgive my rhetorical cheat. It’s for a good cause.

I don’t know why some women are weird about pleasuring themselves. I am not!  I know a shocker! But to those who are embarrassed about it, please, think about rubbing one out for your boyfriend or husband tonight. He will love it. There are few spectacles as captivating as a woman getting herself off. It is pure sex on toast. Watching your girl squirm, growl, and hit the right buttons while you whisper dirty little secrets and improper commands is so hot!  At least that’s what I’m told. It’s vulnerable, and intimate, and epically eye-crossing.

Not to mention: a woman who knows how to detonate her own “O”-bomb, is a woman who is determined to get some when she’s crunching it out with her man. Which is to say, she is more likely to bring the thunder in bed, as you both buck, bite, and claw your way to climaxes that are your birthright. Everybody has the right to orgasms that leave you breathless.

Guys love it when you treat your clitoris right, preferably, in front of them, or while their mouth is on you, or when there’re inside of you, taking care of bidness. And don’t downplay the educational aspects of mutual masturbation: it is important to learn the rhythms that a person needs in order to bust the dam down and unleash that tidal wave of yes. This is a win/win!

I don’t know how to make those of you who are freaked about by this get over your complex. I mean, no pressure: you’re gorgeous, desirable, and your immediate nekkidness is respectfully requested. It’s just that I can’t wrap my head around the reasons why you won’t share that which is awesome to all parties. To dudes, masturbating, jerking off, cranking it out, choking the chicken, or whatever charming euphemism you have for it is just an everyday fact of life.

To guys, masturbation is like a hobby. They do it to clear their minds, or because there bored, or to wake up fully, or as a reward. I know one guy who celebrated holidays with a little self-love. Granted, the male orgasm pales in comparison to the erotic plastic explosives hidden deep within the female anatomy. Which is why guys can pretty much tug it on command.  So why not girls???

I suppose in trying to empathize with women who are bashful about auto-buggery I could offer the only time in my life I was ever neurotic about masturbation.  Pretty much from the get-go I was taught masturbation was a no-no. And I swear I am not making this up, but I would pray for forgiveness after every instance of adolescent self-discovery.  In the morning, after school, at bedtime then do it all again.  Sometimes 4 times a day. I was, and remain a very naughty girl.  Care to join me?