Archive for the ‘Amber’ Category

In generations past, sex was always a taboo subject. For our Grandparents and probably our parents and maybe even for some of our older clients, it was a subject that was whispered about behind closed doors, not to be discussed in public – sinful and shameful and very much frowned upon.

I’m glad we’ve gotten over this now.  Being able to talk about sex more openly allows for sex education, sexual health clinics and free and open discussion about sexual rights – good things one and all.

But the best thing about sex being an acceptable topic of conversation is that you get to hear sex stories. I loves me a good sex story. The ones that make you squirm, the ones that make you laugh, the ones that turn you on, the ones that cause large amounts of high-fiving and “dirt-off-your-shoulder”-style hand actions. The really good ones you can dine out on for ages. The brilliant ones that you can’t believe happened in real life.

For example,  I know several people who are official members of the Mile High Club. I know someone who’s got a blow job on the Pyramid stage at Glastonbury (not during a performance, but still).  I even know someone who’s done it in the aquarium at Pier 49 in San Francisco.*

Now, I’m not talking about gossiping about people behind their backs: “So-and-so is such a slut, you’ll never guess what she did…” That’s reserved for an entirely different sub-set of people. The point of telling sex stories is to relate to each other, to empathise – and to be proud of yourself and your sexual antics. It’s something we always associate with men – that whole “go on my son, get in there” kind of mentality. But the truth is that there’s nothing to be ashamed of in taking pride in your sexuality, regardless of what sex you are.

It’s also a good way of learning from other people’s mistakes. The story about the tongue piercing, where it’s all fun and games until someone loses their foreskin? The story about that time you were really nervous about screwing the hot guy in your office so you decided to drink yourself into a state of courage and ended up drinking yourself into passing out halfway through?

It’s an even better way of working out when it’s all gone wrong in an entirely different way.  It’s sometimes hard to tell when you’ve crossed a line or when someone else has – and it often needs the perspective of another person to make the distinction or point out where you went wrong. Two guys in one night? Half the Starting Line of your high school football team? Your boss? Your boss during promotion season? Your teacher?

Finally, especially when it’s all gone horribly, it can feel so good to laugh at your own misfortune with someone else. That time you decided to visit your boyfriend at the office in only a coat and a thong and then his boss invited you all out for drinks?!

And that’s probably how sex ended up getting un-taboo-ed in the first – with people telling stories. Human beings are natural born storytellers – we just can’t help ourselves. Our lives are filled with stories, about both the real and the imagined and we use them to learn, to grow, to entertain, to influence, to change, to move forwards and to remember what was. We are also inherently social creatures as well – knowing our own stories is nothing compared to the pleasure we get in sharing them. And like I said, I love a good sex story, so that works out great for me!

In an ideal world there would be no taboo subjects, nothing that could never ever be discussed. That’s not the case – and even though we talk about sex more these days, we still don’t talk about it enough. The solution is to keep talking about it.  Even if you can only talk about it with us, just keep doing it!

It used to be that no gal would ever want to be called a “cougar.” A Canadian slang word, it was originally a derogatory term for older women at bars who would go home at the end of the night with any “leftovers.”

So what makes the cougar such a fascinating creature now?

While the term “cougar” is occasionally used for women in their 30s dating men at least eight to 10 years their junior, it typically refers to women over 40 who are:

— Very attractive and in super shape;

— Into working out and staying fit;

— Well-educated and cosmopolitan;

— Confident and empowered, especially when it comes to their sexuality.

In the old days, cougars were known to travel in packs. But these days, they’re venturing far beyond their cougar dens, and quite often solo. They can be found “preying” at the same places younger women do — health clubs, concerts, sports stores, sporting events, bars, grocery stores, home improvement stores. … And they can be anybody.

According to Ilona Paris, author of “Hot Cougar Sex,” there are four major types of cougars:

Power Cougars — Often sporting a power suit, this highly educated woman needs to be discreet about her trysts, given that she’s often “busting balls” in the boardroom or hanging with the big guys.

Intellectual Cougars — This bright lady is the sort you’ll find reading in a bookstore café, dabbling in philosophical debates or looking to shape society via the media.

Unexpected Cougars — This quiet and demure woman is the sort you’d never expect to seduce someone too young to remember when Madonna was ‘like a virgin.’

Divorcée Cougar — Having just gotten out of a marriage that lasted into the double digits, this woman is rearing to go and wants zero attachment.

I’ve also heard of cougars who are of “puma” status. These over-40 women are the Bond girls of cougars: breathtaking beautiful, with sexy foreign accents, wardrobes to die for, and ultra chic.

Yet whether puma or cougar, she seems to have it all, and she knows it. She’s not after attachment. In fact, she quite embraces her status as a single woman. She’s not after money. After all, she’s independent and financially stable.

So what could she possibly want in a younger man? Her hunt is about feeling good, ageless and desirable. She prefers the younger man’s energy, especially that it’s not weighed down by baggage. She’s looking for fun. And best yet, she has no qualms about turning eye candy into arm candy.

She doesn’t care what others think — and neither do what’s come to be known as “cougar hunters.”

These men love that she’s sexy, in control and secure with herself. They’re drawn to her confidence, sexual experience, and sex appeal. They are aroused by the fact that she’s less inhibited and more sexually mature than women their own age. She knows what she wants and likes in bed, and she’s not afraid to show him.

It’s hard to gauge if cougars are a trend or if they’re here to stay. Some people feel that society has made great strides in finally overcoming a dating double standard. Hugh Hefner has flaunted his Playboy bunnies for decades; now she can now have her boy toys, too.

Sexy or not, the cougar’s purr has become a roar. Entire industries are catering to this feline’s every need, as well as those of her admirers. There are dating Web sites, personals, porn sites, upcoming TV shows … even Real Cougar Woman Radio — all turning her den into a dynasty.

Flip through any celebrity magazine, and you’ll notice that it’s the over-40 crowd owning the pages. Walk down any street, and you’ll see cougars turning heads. If you’re brave enough to play with this cat, know that she adores having her ego stroked. And know that she’ll bite if you ask about her beauty secrets — or her age.