Archive for the ‘Sexual Misc – Fun’ Category

!!!!BUSTED!!!!

Uh oh, looks like someone has been naughty, naughty!

You know you wanna be naughty too!

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Here is a photo of one of our regular clients, since 1999.

His name is Brian G, from St. Louis Park, MN.

He just can’s get enough of that cock in his throat, but the problem Brian has been having lately, is he’s tired of sucking on strap on cock, he need some real meat to face fuck his little faggot mouth.

If you would like for him to suck your cock, just let Miranda know, she’s been training him along.

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We aim to please!

The Hanky Code is a traditional form of signalling to others what your sexual preferences and interests are. Gay men used this code to communicate with each other in the noisy and distracting environment of gay bars. Although not as widely used these days, it is still a worthwhile resource and is, among those who know, a great conversation starter.

Can you tell m,e what he’s flagging??

Don’t take this super seriously, but here’s some tips on boobs and ladies.

Out of the 13 picks, some are reasonable (pillow case, mattress), some are sure to be found (freezer!) and some are insane (sombrero?).

Here’s the list:

• Cookie jar

• In this awful hide-a-vibe bear

• Inside the tissue box next to the bed

• In the freezer

• Under the mattress (like the princess and the pea!)

• In your pillowcase

• Tampon box or bag of pads

• Inside a vase, obscured by pretty flowers

• In one of the drawers of your jewelry box

• Inside one of those plastic egg-shaped containers
  

• In a purse you don’t use anymore

• Underneath that sombrero you got in Cancun

• In a cereal box.

Where do you hide yours?? 

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Some photo shopped pics i stumbled across, enjoy!

Here’s Johnny!

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Below you will find the wife of one of our clients,

he would like to whore her out to any young black bull!

More info to come,

or call his favorite phone slut Kristy for more info!

We Aim to Please!

#10. Guaranteed to get at least a little something in the sack.

#9. If you get tired, wait ten minutes and go at it again.

#8. The uglier you look, the easier it is to get some.

#7. You don’t have to compliment the person who gave you candy.

#6. Person you’re with doesn’t fantasize you’re someone else.

#5. If you get a stomach ache, it won’t last 9 months.

#4. If you wear your Batman mask, no one thinks you’re kinky.

#3. Doesn’t matter if kids hear you moaning and groaning.

#2. Less guilt the next morning.

And the number one reason trick or treating is better than sex…

If you don’t get what you want, you can always go next door!

Or just call us, which is an even better idea!

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Come on, admit it. We all know you do it. You get a little excited when you hear your neighbors or roommates getting theirs. You’re laying in bed after an unsuccessful night at the bars, crying and singing Taylor Swift to yourself, and you can’t help but listen intently to the various noises. But what do these noises mean? Are you getting all that you’ve bargained for when you press your ear against the door or hide in the closet? Deciphering sex sounds can be tricky, but you must understand the meaning behind them. Without meaning, eavesdropping would be meaningless. You understand? So here it goes:

 Excessive Giggling This can mean one of two things: the penis is either terrifyingly huge or tragically microscopic. There is no in between in a case like this. If it were medium-sized, she would just shut up and do the deed – no chuckles involved. This is like a classic, perverted version of Goldilocks. Obviously, she doesn’t know how to react to such extreme ends of the spectrum. So to stop herself from being rude, she just innocently giggles like she’s never seen a dick before. He will just think she is being cute and shy; when in reality, she is trying to hide some intense emotions. Giggling is a sign of being nervous, DUH! Didn’t you learn that in Psych 100 or something? She is not having fun. Don’t be so gullible.

 Abnormal Amount of Screaming Homegirl’s a freak! But seriously, she just knows the tricks of the trade. So she’s been around the hump-block a few times and knows exactly what makes a guy feel good about himself. She is probably being extremely over-the-top, and it’s probably making you feel kind of weird. But she’s smart, because she’s not going to have any trouble getting rid of this punk. He’ll sit back, put his hands behind his head, give himself a high-five, and know that his work there is totes dunzo. Then he will want to run home as fast as he can to tell all his bros about it. As for her, she will be thinking, eh, wasn’t bad, but I really just wanted this bed to myself tonight! Time to starfish.

 Whispers of Sweet Nothings Aw piss, she actually likes this guy. This is what is commonly referred to as a Code Red Situation, or a Stage Five Clinger (or Clingon in some nerd circles). Sure, she had every intention of finding a guy to sleep with and then never speak to again. But the way that his eyes sparkled under the fluorescent bulbs at the Red Lion must’ve really done her in. Or maybe it was the gracefulness that was his hair blowing in the wind of the fog machine. Either way, she took him home to have “passionate” sex and now she wants him to stay, cuddle, and talk about future goals and baby names. Don’t worry, he’ll never call, and they will awkwardly bump into each other at some point. He’ll be with another girl, and she’ll call him a manwhore. She might run away crying and then proceed to gain 15 pounds, but she will eventually get over it. Just know that cute whispers mean disaster in the roommate world.

 Complete and Utter Silence Don’t be sad, you creep; this is only a temporary silence. Ten shots of tequila take a toll on one’s body, and after a long night of drinking, a sleep-sesh comes before a slam-sesh. Sooner or later, one of them will have to get up to use the bathroom, which will wake the other one up (make sure you’re still hiding at this point so you don’t get caught and ruin any chance of living vicariously through them). Now, the fun begins! Although this one won’t be terribly exciting, since they’ll both be in a half asleep, drunken daze. Really sloppy, disgusting, dead fish on dead fish sex ensues. Maybe you’ll hear a grunt or too, if you’re lucky. Give it a good four minutes, and you will hear silence again followed by some guttural snoring. At this point you’ll probably walk back to your room shaking your head in disappointment.

 Now go on and tuck this under your pillow, so next time you hear nookie going down in the other room, you’ll know exactly what’s going on.

Or call me and you can add your own little play-by-play!

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