Happy Birthday!

That’s right…It’s my birthday weekend and I expect to have my cake and make you eat it too! I love it when it’s my birthday because that means hot ass birthday phone sex for me! Oh and presents, lots of presents…dildos, vibrators and lots of pussy licking. Oh yes! I wanna sit my swollen pussy and tight little ass right on my birthday cake and I want you to lick it right off. Can you handle that?

my_cake

A little naughty food play phone sex for my birthday Daddy, please? Lick me until I’m clean, leave no crumbs and I’ll do anything you want next. You want to fuck that tight little ass? Plow my tight swollen cunt? Fill me up with your own cream frosting? Do what I want and get what you want, it’s that simple. I know, I know…I’m usually not so bossy but it IS my birthday…doesn’t that count for something? :p

t69

6 foods to get you in the mood

1. Asparagus

You’re not alone if those fleshy green spears remind you of well.. you know.

This veggie’s phallic appearance no doubt has something to do with its legendary aphrodisiac status, but the goods are inside, too. Asparagus is rich in vitamin B6 and folate, both of which can boost arousal and orgasm.

And it also boost vitamin E, which stimulates sex hormones in both men and women.

2. Avocados

Energy and a healthy libido are crucial for great sex, and avocados can give you both. They’re loaded with minerals, monounsaturated fats (the good kind that protect the heart and lower cholesterol), and vitamin B6- all of which keep your energy and sex drive up.

They’re also a top source of omega-3 fatty acids, which naturally boost your mood, making you more likely to feel ready for bedroom action.

3. Chile peppers

Chile peppers can really spice things up- and not just in your mouth- thanks to capsaicin, a chemical that’s been shown to induce the release of endorphins in the brain, which creates a feeling of euphoria.

The potential payoff? Enhanced foreplay and hotter sex.

4. Chocolate

The sweet has long been linked to love and sex for good reason. It contains tryptophan, which helps the body produce serotonin, a natural feel-good chemical that may play a role in sexual arousal.

Chocolate also offers a hit of phenylethylamine, a stimulant thought to contribute to that lovey-dovey feeling. So, go ahead, indulge a little!

5. Licorice

This candy (sold conveniently in, um, whips) is thought to mimic the effects of estrogen and progesterone, critical hormones for normal reproductive and sexual function and response. Eating it may help you get in the mood- and stay that way more often.

Plus, enjoying this candy may reduce symptoms of PMS, a real perk both in and outside the bedroom.

But note: Don’t settle for just any licorice-flavored candy. Be sure to buy a variety that contains real licorice-root extract.

6. Oysters

It’s not the slippery feel or the singular taste of oysters that make them a sexy superfood. It’s zinc, which oysters are loaded with. The mineral helps the body produce testosterone, a hormone critical in regulating women’s and men’s libido and sexual function.

Research suggests that zinc can improve sperm count and swimming ability, and increase sexual potency in men.

For women, zinc may help ovaries- the source of estrogen, progesterone, and some testosterone- stay healthy, keeping you primed for bedroom action.

Call me, let’s get in the mood together!

cam phone

I will admit I am a bit of a voyeur at heart. I have started out my window late at night in hopes someone has left their blinds open and I can catch them doing something nasty. I have caught a few guys masturbating which only makes me start to touch myself as well.
So when a guy asks if I will watch their cam while they are masturbating or doing something extra naughty it only makes me think I am being a voyeur and looking in on them. Ok I have their permission but we just pretend I don’t.

Like last night this guy was telling me all about the sexy panties he was wearing well course I said well why don’t you show me. So he sent me that little video request super fast. There he was in all his sheer pink thong prettiness. Rubbing his small dick in those pretty panties. I couldn’t help but laugh. He was modeling them for me and everything. Getting up and showing me just how good his panty boy ass looked in a pink thong.

I wish I could say it was super exciting to see his panty clitty come out for me to see but it was super small so I could only giggle at it. But I did have a great time talking to him and watching him on cam.

So for those of you out there that are looking for a phone girl to watch you be naughty and kinky I am definitely the girl.

Call Me!

fruit fucking

One of our dedicated callers submitted this info today, enjoy!

Materials Needed:

– Various fruits large and sturdy enough to withstand vigorous sex long enough to achieve orgasm
– A stop watch to determine how long it takes to come to orgasm with that particular fruit
– A drill auger to carve an erect cock sized hole into the fruit
– Barry White CD for getting in the ‘mood’
– A garbage bag to dispose of the used and violated fruit

EXPERIMENT RESULTS

(For length reasons for this article, I removed several fruits that I did indeed have sex with. I only included my more spectacular or controversial results.)

Watermelon

Time to Reach Orgasm:  6 Minutes 21 seconds

Sturdiness:  The hard exterior shell of the water melon withstood my affections quite well, but the same could not be said of the soft fleshy interior. By the time I came, the interior cavity was quite a bit larger than my own dick. The watermelon flesh is very soft on the inside, and is turned to pulp very quickly by a pounding dick.

The melon did crack a little as well, although it likely was my overzealous lovemaking that caused this, so I do not hold it against the watermelon.

Texture:  The watermelon’s rind felt very pleasurable on my dick  and it compensated for the lack of resistance on the interior of the melon. Also, the abundant water kept my dick lubricated quite adequately.

Final Impressions:  I really enjoyed my brief affair with the watermelon. I credit the hard-yet-yielding exterior rind and the lubricating water for making it a superior sexual partner. It did lose points for the too-soft interior though, so it is certainly not a perfect 10. I would also suggest to not get too rough with the watermelon, or it may crack open. A little spanking is ok, just don’t go overboard.

Passion Fruit

Time to Reach Orgasm:  Did not achieve climax

Sturdiness:  This fruit has the most misleading name ever. First of all, it was the smallest fruit that I had sex with. It was just barely big enough to support a hole that would take in my dick. Secondly, it was far too soft and mushy to be appropriate for physical expressions of love. The passion fruit basically turned to mush after only 30 seconds of thrusting.

Texture:  Soft, mushy, and kind of slimy. The gooey texture was sexually unappealing and was a mood killer. The juices were also somewhat acidic, and they burned my pee hole. The passion fruit also stained my dick an unsightly yellow color which would not come out for days.

Final Impressions:  The passion fruit is a very inferior lover with an inappropriate name. I thought: how could I lose with passion fruit? I was wrong. It is too small, and it is just too weak to withstand all but the most timid lovemaking session. Its slimy texture was just not attractive either. Take it from me: it is not appropriate to have sex with a passion fruit.

Cantaloupe

Time to Reach Orgasm:  8 Minutes 46 seconds

Sturdiness:  Truthfully I had sex with two different cantaloupes. The first cantaloupe I had relations with fell apart. I am not averse to rough sex at times and I guess I got a little too carried away with cantaloupe #1; so much so that it broke into several pieces. After that I realized that I would have to make sweet, soft tender love to the cantaloupe; to be a gentle and caring and attentive lover. To cantaloupe #2 I was all of those things and more.

It survived the ordeal relatively unscathed, and the integrity of the ***** hole was such that I was almost tempted to put the cantaloupe in the fridge and save it for round 2, once I had recovered my stamina. It was kind of slimy with cantaloupe juice and semen though, so I decided to dispose of it.

Texture:  The cantaloupe had a very pleasing, smooth texture to it. Out of all the fruits I had, I think the cantaloupe feels the closest to a human woman. It did have seeds in the core, but they were very soft did not in any way scratch my *****. Also the cantaloupe skin is a bit rough so I made sure the ***** hole had a bit of a flair at the open end to avoid chafing.

Final Impressions:  Overall the cantaloupe is an outstanding sexual partner. It is a fairly solid fruit with a smooth feel. You do have to keep in mind though that any rough stuff will likely result in the cantaloupe falling apart. Make love to the cantaloupe as you would a sophisticated lady and not a 5 dollar hooker and you will have an evening to remember.

This guy really takes his fruit fucking to a new level. If you have your own stories or would like to experiment with one of the girlz call!

Spit or Swallow

To spit or to swallow? That is the question.

Women are split on the issue. Some act as if semen is poison while others greedily swallow and suck their man dry. When asked, most men say they prefer that the woman swallow. Since the purpose of fellatio is to give pleasure to your man, that would seem to settle the question. However, if that’s not enough to convince you, there are even more reasons to swallow your man’s semen.

1) It’s polite. After all it’s rude to spit. Also, wouldn’t you be offended if your man ran to the bathroom to gargle with mouthwash after going down on you? What sort of message does it convey to immediately run to the nearest sink to spit?

2) It’s environmentally friendly. Spitting out semen wastes tissues and paper towels, destroys trees, and adds to our landfill problems. Swallowing semen is a form of environmentally-friendly recycling.

3) It’s healthful. Swallowing semen may help prevent depression and lower blood pressure. Also, those concerned with nutrition and daily vitamins will be pleased to find that the average ejaculate contains calcium, magnesium, potassium, vitamin B-12, and zinc. Plus, for all you dieters out there, the caloric content of semen is a measly 15 calories.

4) Your man wants you to. If a man has to worry about ejaculating, feeling that it is an imposition on you or the cause of unpleasantness, he cannot fully relax and cannot fully enjoy his climax. Also, continuing to  suck through the orgasm – “sucking him dry” – leaves him both physically and emotionally satisfied. In addition, swallowing semen has deep, symbolic significance to men. Spitting out his semen is a symbolic rejection to many men. By swallowing, you indicate your complete acceptance of him.

5) God wants you to. There is nothing in the Bible that forbids engaging in acts of oral sex. In fact, according to one Bible expert, the Bible specifically encourages fellatio to completion (orgasm), though only if the female partner consumes or swallows the ejaculate. This prevents spilling seed, which is an affront to God, and also provides spiritual benefit to the woman. Performing fellatio to completion and then spitting out the resulting ejaculate should be almost unthinkable to anyone who believes in the Bible.

grocery shopping

there is one thing i really do not enjoy doing..and that is grocery shopping!

i tend to whip through the aisles as quickly as i can….but today i found myself lingering in the fruits and vegetable area…

i noticed how the produce was continuously being kept moist, wet, the spray of water, spritzing, making everything glisten….

i started to get wet, i felt excited….

i gently picked up a ripen cucumber, ran my hand up and down its girth…

a peach, complete with fuzz….

squeezing a banana next…mmmm…can you guess what i had in mind?

the produce boy was watching, smiling at me, winking…as he reached down to his crotch, i realized that he was hard!

i sauntered over to him…i asked for his opinion on what his thoughts were on the best item that would fit into my tight pussy….

well, he asked, i really need to find out how tight you are…

he brought me into the back room so i could show him…

he slowly pulled up my skirt, and was very surprised to see that i had no pantie’s on…

he quickly inserted one finger, then two….then finally…three!

oh yes, he said, you are tight…i would recommend a nice, long carrot….that way you could put it in your tight little cunt and also…your ass….

hummmmmm…..well, can we try it, i asked…

he reached behind and pulled out a nice, long, thin carrot…

i bent over so he could insert it inside my wet pussy….it felt really good….

next, he rubbed it all around my asshole…inserted it and moved it in and out….

i unzipped his pants and as he fucked my hole, i took his hard, throbbing cock into my mouth and sucked him dry….

i smiled and told him, yes, i think i will buy a few carrots to take home!

i actually grabbed a whole bunch of them….walking out to my car, i realized that was the only item i bought!

i frantically drove home, went straight to the kitchen and slowly undressed…

i licked the carrot, it was kind of a thick one, got it all nice and moist…laid down and fucked my pussy with it!

it felt so good…i came all over it…then i sliced it up and put it in my salad…knowing my date would taste me, my juices….all over the carrot…

simply put, i don’t mind going to the grocery store anymore!

the next time, i think i will check out the cucumbers, what do you think?