#10.  Pig Tail Butt Plug

This thing actually exists and as such, we feel soiled. And at most, 5 percent turned on, but that’s pushing it.

Fun Website Quote:

“Make ‘em squeal loud and hard with their new black pig tail butt plug! It doesn’t get much more humiliating than this.”

 

#9.  Hooded Spandex Full Body Binder Sack

For all those that aren’t familiar with this suit, they are called  zentai suits…for those who love sensation play!

Fun Website Quote:

“This total body sack is so comfortable, I could spend an entire night in it.”

#8.  Rubber Gates of Hell

What man doesn’t need a little help with these cock rings??

Fun Website Quote:

“Corral your stallion with these slightly stretchy rings designed to please and tease.”

 

#7.  Houdini Locking Steel Cock Chastity

We’re pretty certain neither Houdini nor his estate have anything to do with this.  Nonetheless this product exists, apparently for the sole purpose of slapping what appears to be roughly 10 pounds of leftover steel plumbing bits to your unit, just so you can’t fiddle with it.

Fun Website Quote:

“The tubular steel design makes it impossible to masturbate with this in place and the ratcheting cuff makes sure it stays put until the key master is in the mood to release you.”

#6. The Perfect Pair Breast Enhancers

Breast enhancement is nothing new in our world, but these beauties are for all you sissy sluts out there.

Fun Website Quote:

“Upright and firm, you can squeeze them and feel them–they feel real!”

#5.  The Cone

Fun Website Quote:

“The funky, contemporary style means it doesn’t need to be hidden away in the bedroom drawer.”

#4.  Anal Speculum

Sex toys are often sold under the guise of bringing couples together and based on experiences we’ve repressed from summer camp in our teen years, we feel confident saying that few things get you closer to another human than an anal speculum.

Fun Website Quote:

“Perfect for … medical/clinic scenes for the sadistic proctologist.”

 

#3.  Orca

Sometimes you get to the point where the standard human dong just doesn’t do it for you, no matter how unrealistic the proportions.

Fun Website Quote:

“it is over 15 (inches) without the base”

 

#2. The Hot Seat Inflatable Cushion Vibe

This delightful little inflatable foot stool is designed with a flat bottom, so no more falling down and breaking bones then having to call the EMTs and explain you were just dusting when you slipped and somehow got this jammed in your nether regions.

Fun Website Quote:

“… try controlling your wild, bucking passion!”

 

#1.  Rubber Fisting Mitten

But why would this be in a catalog of sex toys? And why does the “mitten” go all the way up to her shoulder-OH SHIT.

Fun Website Quote:

“Use plenty of latex safe silicone lubricant when using this and don’t forget to use some to shine your fisting glove like I have here.”

 

Happy New Year!!

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